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Reena Mohamed was born and raised in Malaysia. She was a company director to several, Businesses before shifting to her interest in Building Online Businesses. She writes on her experiences in Business as a Board Member on companies dealing with Construction, Travel, General Trading and Food & Beverage Retail. Her creative writing blogs suits online start-ups and for those interested in living a laptop lifestyle. She occasionally does blog reviews of beauty health and supplements, she currently lives in Petaling Jaya and will happily guest blog.

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Thursday, 23 November 2017

Don't Feed The Inner Voice


You know what your inner voice is saying and yes you hear your close friends say "Dude, your mom is insane!" Or "your dad is crazy!" 


Take it from me, believe them when they tell you that your parents, parenting styles aren't normal. 

If you constantly fear a parent disapproval and experience chronic indecisiveness (feeling being controlled) or you experience the need to have others fulfill you, or have difficulty expressing feelings and worry a lot about how others think and feel about you well buddy you're  on your way to anxiety ville and depression town!

You will find many studies online also, many articles which outlines Narcissist behaviors from the benign to the ones that causes real damage to the people around them. But lets not get into the narcissist parent today. 

You see i believe Narcissistic parenting couldn't be any sadder. Having experienced those tell tale signs myself, i vouch that children of a narcissist realizes early on that they exist only to provide a reflection and an extension for the parent rather than as a separate person with an own identity.

Sad, Right..?

Well time to get over it and take care of you. Read further  as I share four powerful actions  i have had to learn to take to help me cope with a Narcissistic parent.  

Why i think you too should prioritize your mental health? Well because caring for your mind and body means not only you may live longer but better. There are effective treatments for physical illnesses and there are lifestyle interventions that can ease mental suffering.

No change 


Firstly understand that the parent is unlikely to change, and the way to cope is not trying to force the parent to make changes but mostly centered on you, and how you interact with the parent (or dont). Of course i dont think there will ever be perfection but the act of realizing and then accepting, has allowed me to be mentally prepared in dealing with many of the negative emotions handed down. 

I eventually started seeing how my painful growin up years shaped me..

how empathetic im as a person

and how to treat me better. 

The key  importance to this for me, is that i make sure i keep a lookout on the way i parent my children. I find being open to this perspective (and a lot of healing) i began to appreciate the person that i am, 

and i know , 

that i am not my parent. 


Shhhh! 


Second ignore the inner critic, yes the one that constantly reminds you that you are not good enough 

or that u need to be the best 

If not you are nothing voice...learn to quiet it down or shut it up totally.

Having had to grow up with a parent who only value accomplishments to reflect on them, you become an adult who is empy and never truly feel good enough. But guess what, yes good news is this damaging and very powerful inner critic can be shut up. 

Refocus, 

and redefine impossible. 

Learn up on cognitive behavioral therapy get the tools to apply and you can reduce that loud inner voice if not shut it completely. 


Crime Scene + Do Not cross the line 


Thirdly you will have to reassess your boundaries with the Narcissistic parent because you are allowed to have your own life and needs, (something narcissist parent(s) do not understand). Prepare to cut-off or have strict and controlled interactions, the ones where you determine what is and isnt accpetable. 

Yes hang up

walk away 

or simply say NO, the second the parent crossses the line.

DO NOT i repeat DO NOT be guilty about this. You're not being a bad child, its just a necessary act of self protection. 


Get Professional Help


Lastly if you are one or happen to know someone who is suffering at the hands of a narcissistic parent, suggest for them to talk to other family members about the experience. Consider talking to a mental health professional because it can be extremely healling to have a therapist help make sense of all the craziness. 

That's it , yes only four actions to take which  I cant overstate the difference it has made. 

Having look seriously into cognitive behavioral therapy, coupled with a lifestyle change (which includes regular exercise and healthy eating) my depression has now been lifted. I carry myself more confidently and ive made changes that have put my life on a much better track. Im so much happier and no longer dreading the phone call or visit. 


But most importantly though i know im not flawed nor a bad person i was made to think i was.

Great references which  i myself found useful and now you too can check out are these three books. Do share your experiences in my comment section below, i would love to hear how you are doing. 


    

5 comments:

  1. Very good advice. A really helpful post. Thank you

    Gemma -
    http://www.planetluxmusic.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Gemma good to know, tks for dropping by. loving what you do too, keep it up

      Delete
  2. What a helpful, comprehensive post. I know people who were in relationships with narcissitic people. This is something they should read.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @misselle tough seeing someone being in a relationship that way, good news is there is so many references to help heal. Tks for coming by.

      Delete
  3. So true..ignore the inner critic! I am very guilty of not ignoring mine for I am a perfectionist.

    ReplyDelete

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