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Reena Mohamed was born and raised in Malaysia. She was a company director to several, Businesses before shifting to her interest in Building Online Businesses. She writes on her experiences in Business as a Board Member on companies dealing with Construction, Travel, General Trading and Food & Beverage Retail. Her creative writing blogs suits online start-ups and for those interested in living a laptop lifestyle. She occasionally does blog reviews of beauty health and supplements, she currently lives in Petaling Jaya and will happily guest blog.

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Sunday, 3 December 2017

Good Advice is not to give any unless asked.


The best advice i ever got was don't take advice and don't give advice. So many times i had wished upon the the 'know it all' to hush. 

Advice is subjective, and an opinion that one usually speaks of to another with only one aim and one aim only which is to guide the one being spoken to in a 'sure way' behavior.

The truth of the matter is there are a lot of this know it all personalities, who without training and conscience loves pouring advice onto the lives of others. There is surely one in every family, group of friends and among your work mates. If you can't find one than you're it! 

You know them oh yes you do..they're the ones who believe that by doing so, places them in a role of authority, respected or perhaps esteemed. 

On one hand there could be a slight chance of genuine concern and care about your well being but mostly though and almost always there is a manipulative approach behind all unwanted advice. 

I'm in the opinion that the know it all personality are toxic personalities which are best avoided, sometimes yes agreed it isn't easy , specially when they are family! 

Shock Horror

I get that it is tough but for your own peace of mind and sanity consider limiting your visits, because when they come with the intent of pouring unsolicited advice and attempts to fill you with what you 'should' or 'should not' do in your life solely based on their own experience, well then that's pretty manipulative in my books, and annoying to say the least. No matter how 'good the intention' when you lobby semi spiritual quotes and random suggestions at people (surely which they already know about) , it is outright inappropriate and rude.



Unsolicited advice sucks! and most often self serving.

The reality is when giving advice solely based on personal experiences, is something many despise listening to, for the simple reason that experiences one faces in life aren't typically relevant to another. What the know it all is doing is interfering with your life. If you find someone who without asking your opinion argues without trying to understand you and speaks about only their thoughts and how it 'should' be,  break out immediately because they are toxic to your system. 

In trying to help, we can actually harm, by forcing someone else to receive something he did not ask for. Also when we insist on giving advice to someone who has not asked us, we are actually giving it to ourselves" - Alejandro Jodorowsky

To provide appropriate advice follow these rules. Firstly, that the advice has simply been requested. If not so,well then you run the danger of sticking your nose into someone else's business - yes you guessed it right - always not wanted. 

Secondly its vital that if you are giving advice that you be qualified to do so and give solid advice based on facts and not on own feelings and experiences. 

Thirdly look to advice someone from their point of view, see the issue from their view and not from you own, be empathetic because each experience is unique to an individual.

Are you a Know-it-all Personality? 

I've defined the know it all with some characteristics making it easy to identify : they are usually older than you and because of that they think they have more knowledge in 'life' and supposedly think they are much wiser, (reality is, this is not the case) It could be your mom, dad even a sister which could leave a negative repercussion on you. Common traits of the know it all is that they normally supply cliched advice,

"Time will heal things"
"Be patient"
"Believe you can, and you will"

These advice almost never works and often the individual being given this advice are already aware of it and may even already been applying it to themselves. However, it may not be what they really need at that moment. In fact this advice often results in a lowered self esteem. I'ts one thing having to know it yourself and its another being told the same thing (often in a condescending and belittling manner) which does more harm than help.

Projecting own fears

The know it all have issues that need to be attended to but are afraid to face it themselves and by giving unsolicited advice gives them a sense of 'repair'. But in all honesty, how can someone help another when their mind is full of fear?!

You've heard fear advice too, the ones guided by the fear in their own lives of the know it all sound something like this.

"Don't do that.."
"its dangerous"
"its hot" 
"its cold"
"its irresponsible"
"what if you fail"
"Don't play in the rain"
"Don't play in the sun"
"why are you doing it that way way?"

Anything that isn't done in the know it all way, is often presumed to be the wrong way, when in fact the wise knows that issues are unique to individuals and are never the same even when there are similarities.

Selfism

A great know it all always gives advice based on me, me, me and only me. They seldom listen to the problem of the person in front of them and it's easy to spot because as soon as you finish what you are saying they often include them in your troubles. 

"That also happened to me"
"I've been there"
"I know what you're feeling"
"I've had it worse than you"

You've seen it you've probably done it yourself and most definitely have felt it, but what is rare and usually unspoken about is how misunderstood and unheard one feels with such a response. Right?

This types of conversations almost always ends up with the troubled having to listen to the know it all.

Guys guys guys lets not forget that the experience of another has little or nothing to do with our own even when there are similarities. Trouble solving should start from what the problem is, something a professional would know to pick up and guide but not the know it all personalities.

Advice that they themselves do not believe

Almost always the advice given by a know it all has never been applied to themselves for many reasons from difficulty to apply or fear or to simply having no trust to do so. Even though there is a slight chance that it is the right thing to do, when someone is feeling vulnerable it may not be the right moment for unsolicited advice. Silence is always the best answer for questions and a smile is the best reaction to all situations when faced with someones troubles.

The advice when asked for, whatever the state of affairs is ought to be a realistic one. It must be forward moving and tailored to the person in question. Advice such as, "chew on a gum-lah if you want to give up smoking" is certainly unrealistic. There are numerous strategies that can be applied but definitely this sort of 'blanket' advice may even damage the person by filling them with more stress and anxiety



Assumption that the person getting advice is not as capable and in need of help.

The know it all acts like "lifesavers" and assume that the other is not knowledgeable and inferior consequently having to need help from them. The mindset is nothing more than a facade that gives them a reason not to take care of their own personal affairs, maybe even a form of distraction to not take charge of their own affairs. 

It's important to mind your own affairs people..

The Know it all tend to conveniently forget that no one actually wishes their advice, what people need is understanding and cooperation for them to achieve their goals and desires. Yes something totally different isn't it.

For the know it all out there, before giving any advice to someone who did not ask for it or to someone who you don't really know, remember this words of wisdom : 

Whoever tries to help a butterfly out of its cocoon, kills it, whoever tries to help a seed out of its sprout destroys it. There are certain things that have to happen inside out.
 
 

6 comments:

  1. Great Article .. Very Intresting

    ReplyDelete
  2. Loved this article, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Nice article on advice, would definitely think before giving any advice.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Seriously speaking out of turn never helped any persons

    Talking from experience though

    ReplyDelete
  5. I love your post.
    We most of time get advice from people who donot actually know our situation we are through. Their advice is meaningless.
    No one can walk in our shoes so better not bother to give advice.
    Thanks for a great share.
    Pinky khan from Daniaz kitchen

    ReplyDelete
  6. Awesome! You are so right. Advice is only good to those who ask for it.

    ReplyDelete

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