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Reena Mohamed was born and raised in Malaysia. She was a company director to several, Businesses before shifting to her interest in Building Online Businesses. She writes on her experiences in Business as a Board Member on companies dealing with Construction, Travel, General Trading and Food & Beverage Retail. Her creative writing blogs suits online start-ups and for those interested in living a laptop lifestyle. She occasionally does blog reviews of beauty health and supplements, she currently lives in Petaling Jaya and will happily guest blog.

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Thursday, 18 January 2018

How depression feels?

It’s hard for those who have never struggled with depression to understand what it’s like to be depressed. My husband, may Allah bless his long-suffering soul, often seems to think that being depressed is like being sad, for a long time, .... all the time. 

But what I've learned is.. depression isn’t just plain old sadness. It’s so much more than that.

We all get sad, some stay sad for long periods of time because of a stressful event like feeling depressed over a spouse who died or going through a bitter divorce but depress symptoms go beyond an average grief. 

Depression is a hard to imagine, if you’ve never been there. I always get told but i wanted to better understand the sufferer so I scoured the internet for info and educate myself on what it is to feel depressed. And a little of me wanted to know whether i myself was going through it.

What i found out is really difficult in answering How depression feels. I will though share feelings of many sufferers perhaps you too can understand it better.  So here are the 50 feelings captured in writing of those in Depression. (There were too many to put up but these are what i think are best to help anyone understand)


  1. Depression is seeing no future, and no answer for any of the problems in your life
  2. Nothing is enjoyable when you have depression, nothing can make you smile
  3. It feels like youre a ghost, feels like youre not part of the real world
  4. Its like drowning except you can see everyone around you breathing
  5. Depression is dark its an inescapable place like being locked in a room with no light window or door. Its so dark you cant even see your hands in front of your face let alone fine a way out

  1. Inability to construct or envision a future
  2. Like falling down a dark bottomless shaft wondering if and when your fall will ever be caught. 
  3. Depression is like having your mind replaced by another one that makes me feel worthless and numb to life. Perpetual sadness never quite knowing the source of it. It has stolen my confidence and now i no longer feel worthy of anyone's love. 
  4. Its like being stuck in a box that you cant get out of - feel so low that even simple tasks are difficult and feel completely alone
  5. A total loss of who you are

  1. Standing underneath a floor glass, you scream and bang on it for attention of the world going about their lives without you and no one notices that youre trapped there. 
  2. Depression is like the heart or the mind breaking. 
  3. Depression is a state in which nothing tastes, smells, or feels right and you are unable to think or make decisions--yet you still have to carry on doing all those things. And so much of the time you just don't have the energy or the desire. But you still carry on anyway. 
  4. The belief that you just don't matter.
  5. Like the death eaters in Harry Potter have caught you and sucked all the goodness from you.

  1. Swimming through treacle. 
  2. Multiple emotions: fear, despair, emptiness, numbness, shame, embarrassment and an inability to recognize the fun, happy person you used to be. 
  3. Depression is losing the desire to partake in life. 
  4. It's like trying to breathe when you're covered in tar. 
  5. Depression makes you feel like you're an actor playing you--one that's always forced to smile.

  1. Being depressed sometimes feels like tunnel vision--regardless of anything going on in your life, you can feel miserable and overwhelmed for no reason at all. 
  2. Nothingness.
  3. Cancer of the soul.
  4. Torture. 
  5. It's just like being inside a wheel that's spinning and spinning and you don't know when it's going to stop. 

  1. Living in fog all the time--a world without color or laughter. 
  2. Like living in a dark tunnel with no light at the end, and no air to breathe no matter how deep a breath you take. 
  3. Feeling completely alone--even if you're surrounded by people. 
  4. Complete and utter hopelessness. 
  5. Living in hell. 

  1. Like mourning the death of someone you once loved--you. When you look in the mirror you see only dead eyes. There is no spark. No joy. No hope. You wonder how you will manage to exist another day. 
  2. Trying to keep your head above water when it's up to your nose. And getting deeper. And you can't swim. 
  3. Feeling numb inside. The world and time just passes by and nothing brings you joy. 
  4. Feeling dark, lonely, scared. Sleep is the only escape from your pain. 
  5. It's like being a prisoner and the jailer both. 

  1. Waking up to another disappointing day, and feeling that heaviness in your chest that never goes away. 
  2. Just wanting to stand in a field and scream your head off--but you don't know why. 
  3. Like your mind is paralyzed. 
  4. Depression is silence. It's total isolation in a room full of people. It's feeling the drag and pull of life making you smaller by the day 
  5. It's like falling into a well or a deep dark hole and having no ladder to climb to help you get out of it. You get trapped in the darkness feeling cold and numb. 

  1. It makes me feel like I'm a tiny seed stuck at the bottom of a pot plant--the more I try to grow and break free, the more dirt and soil falls on me, suffocating me and pushing me down. 
  2. Depression is that nasty voice in my head that says things like "your mother never wanted you and that's why she kicked you out at 15 to sleep on the streets for three months". It shows me the mental picture of the benches I made my bed and the nooks and crannies I tried to hide in for fear of being raped. The voice also reminds me of my daughter dying and thrusting her photo in my face telling me I'm a rubbish mother. Depression for me is a force so powerful that I fear I may never be free of it. 
  3. Being depressed is all your emotions taken away from you--apart from negative ones like sadness, anxiety and fear. 
  4. It's a ten tonne ball of lead in your gut that you've no choice but to drag everywhere with you. And you've got to try and look normal doing so. 
  5. Every day is a struggle and I feel like its ground hog day.

  1. It's a thief ... it takes everything from you and leaves you to die. 
  2. It's peaceful water to the outside world, but a raging tsunami below the surface. 
  3. It's more painful than any physical pain I've ever experienced. And NO-ONE can see it.
  4. Depression is hating yourself so much you can't look in the mirror. 
  5. Depression is waking up wishing you'd died in your sleep.


It is blankness.

Depression is, at its foremost, a nothingness. Nothing makes a sufferer happy, not really happy, not happy in the way that normal people experience happiness and joy. Things may jolt them from their misery and yes they may manage a smile.

But it’s very temporary.
And often made worse by the fact that the sufferer knows they should be happy, and yet they can’t. 

There is nothing to look forward to.

They do not anticipate future plans: vacations, births, weekends.

The world hangs in the gray blankness of the present, disrupted only by the anticipation of the negative, I've learned that depressed people always leap to the worst possible conclusion. And they assume things will end badly.

Perhaps its not at all possible for anyone to understand what it truly feels like unless they've suffered from it themselves but the above should give you some indication. If nothing more it should make you realize that depression is far far more severe than just having the blues or feeling sad. It is soul sucking debilitating illness one so severe it claims a million lives a year worldwide. 

So if you know someone who is suffering from it don't just tell them to "pull themselves together" or "just get over it" 

instead 

listen to them
support them and 
most importantly be their friend. 

If you are suffering from depression recovery is possible. It is painful yes, but please take solace in the fact that you are not alone. You can see from the responses above. 

Trust that you too can be healthy and happy. No doubt depression makes it tough to function and enjoy life like you once did, just trying to get through the day can be overwhelming but no matter how hopeless you feel you can get better. By understanding the cause of your depression and recognizing the different symptoms and types of depression you can take the first step to feeling better and overcoming the problem

There are many people who want to support you during this difficult time so please reach out.

What you can do to feel better

When you’re depressed, it can feel like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. But there are many things you can do to lift and stabilize your mood. The key is to start with a few small goals and slowly build from there, trying to do a little more each day. Feeling better takes time, but you can get there by making positive choices for yourself.


Reach out to other people. Isolation fuels depression, so reach out to friends and loved ones, even if you feel like being alone or don’t want to be a burden to others. The simple act of talking to someone face-to-face about how you feel can be an enormous help. The person you talk to doesn’t have to be able to fix you. He or she just needs to be a good listener—someone who’ll listen attentively without being distracted or judging you.

Get moving. When you’re depressed, just getting out of bed can seem daunting, let alone exercising. But regular exercise can be as effective as antidepressant medication in countering the symptoms of depression. Take a short walk or put some music on and dance around. Start with small activities and build up from there.

Eat a mood boosting diet. Reduce your intake of foods that can adversely affect your mood, such as caffeine, alcohol, trans fats, sugar and refined carbs. And increase mood-enhancing nutrients such as Omega-3 fatty acids.

Find ways to engage again with the world. Spend some time in nature, care for a pet, volunteer, pick up a hobby you used to enjoy (or take up a new one). You won’t feel like it at first, but as you participate in the world again, you will start to feel better.

If support from family and friends and positive lifestyle changes aren’t enough,it may be time to seek help from a mental health professional. 

   

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